Chapter 46
I don’t know
how to share this with you, but I have no other option but to write it down so
I can get it off my chest.
As asked by the
inspector, I had gone to the police station. The inspector showed me the guy
who had taped all our sexcapades. Not only that, he bloody uploaded that stuff
on the internet! If you have to take vengeance against your girlfriend then
upload only her videos na! On second thoughts, even that is wrong. Still, why
involve me also in this? That sex pest, Hitesh Shah, is a friend of Saahil Shah
and he gave the police the names of all the porn sites that he had uploaded the
videos to. I took that list from the inspector and then after coming home, I
checked those sites and was speechless to see one of my videos there under the
‘Indian-home-made’ tab , ‘Gay-sex’ tab and ‘Orgy’ tab.
Then it struck
me why my boss had said to me a few days ago, “I didn’t expect this from you”.
He must have seen that video. Oh my goodness! I am fucked. Royally! I had
enjoyed others’ videos on those sites, but finding my own video there is a lot
harder to digest!
And to top it all, even Sneha was there. She turned out to be
Jenifer’s very good friend from office. If I had met Sneha instead of Jenifer
at FuturePerfect Technologies that day, then all this crap wouldn’t have
happened.
Tomorrow I will
go to office after many days. I had told my boss that I had some emergency at
home and hence wouldn’t be able to come to office for a few days. Tomorrow I
will have to act as if everything is normal.
The only good
thing in the whole episode is that no one at my home in Delhi knows about this.
I had to bribe the inspector with around 1.5 lakh rupees to keep my family out
of this.
Hitesh is now
in jail and will be in jail for a long long time. Sneha’s father’s intervention
in this matter has made Hitesh’s life more miserable. But he deserves the
punishment for what he has done.
I am planning
to write an email to Sneha explaining that my being close to Hitesh is not at
all an indication of how I am. God only knows what she must be thinking! And
that I still want to give our relationship a chance. Sorry, friendship, not
relationship. So many batchmates of mine have already found their love and have
settled down in life and here I am not able to even impress the girl I like.
This is what happens when one is very choosy in life. I still rue the fact that
I have been waiting for the perfect one. The perfect ones fall in love in their
college days and then marry rich guys. Middle class guys like me have no other
option but to marry what is left over.
I got a mail
from Rahul explaining how he got into trouble and how it is not like what it seemed
at the police station. What he does inside the 4 walls in an apartment is no
one’s business. What Hitesh did was horrible. But I can’t ditch him when he
needs me. Why this dilemma, god! Why!
Fortunately
enough, things are going well in office. My boss is happy with my work and told
me that I would be getting a bonus for my hard work in the last few months
This week I
have to meet a Gujarati girl from Mulund. She has done her MBA from an ok sort
of college in Mumbai and is now working in her dad’s firm. Let’s see where the
meeting with her goes. I don’t believe in arranged marriages, but one gets only
what one is destined to get! I will meet her, but I still secretly wish to
spend the rest of my life with Sneha only.
And yes one
more thing before I say good night to you Diaz, my short story “The Park Bench”
will now be a part of the anthology being published by WingsToWords
Publications. Yes! Out of hundreds of entries, my story will be in the 24
stories in the anthology. I can’t wait to inform Sneha about this. But, is
there any point? Not sure. Anyway, good night.
Sneha’s Diary
Georgie, life is very boring nowadays. Too much work at office.
Totally juiceless love life. Nothing to look forward to.
Till now I have
been the one who has been talking to you so much. Now I want you to share your
secrets with me. I so damn wish you were an actual person. How about a movie
where the diary suddenly comes to life and becomes the princess’ best friend?
Nice idea na? J
Most of my
friends are married. That Radhika– my best friend from school is already a
mother of 2 cute kids – Ahaan and Vihaan. They are twins. Her husband works
with HPCL. Nice cool life. A sweet family. What else does one want in life?
Seriously, being too ambitious in life is very painful. Expectation is the
mother of disappointment.
Vandana had
called up last week and was trying to convince me to start taking the Aryan
option very seriously. I am already approaching my 30s and it’s high time that
I start focusing on marriage. But for me, that connect, that instant bonding is
very important. Even though I had met Rahul for a brief amount of time at the
author talk session, I had felt that connect with him. The way in which he
asked me, “Does everyone call you ma’am always or do you have a name too?” That
was so classy. Fulltoo Shahrukh style! And what a coincidence, Shahrukh Khan’s
name in most of his movies is RAHUL. Isn’t this a proper sign from God that
there is a nice future to the Sneha-Rahul story? J I so
hope there is!
But that Jenifer orgy fiasco has made me a little apprehensive about Rahul. But
everyone deserves a second chance, what say Georgie?
I have started
a blog. I write what I feel about the world and the things that happen around
me. I have started the blog as I want to improve my writing skills and to ask
the world for feedback so that I can I improve my writing. Sorry if you feel
jealous that I share my feelings with others apart from you, Georgie. But you
are like my dear sweet confidante who would be the only one in this world to
know what I really go through in my life. With you I can be that little 10 year
old cutie or a 16 year old naughty girl or a 30 year old boring woman and you
wouldn’t mind listening to me. J
Luv yaa Georgie..Gn..
Rahul’s Diary
I went to my
office thinking that no one would have any hint of what had happened to me in
the last few days. I was so wrong! I don’t know how, but my colleagues were
aware of every shit thing that has happened to me. Not sure who was the snitch
in the office!
Shalini Mehra-
my best female friend from office- told me that there were a few clips
circulating on whatsapp on the phones of my colleagues. Someone had found them
from somewhere and spread them around the office. On one hand I was trying to
maintain my cool and avoid suicidal tendencies due to this humiliation and on
the other hand I so damn wanted to bash their faces and tell them that even
they could be targets of such indecent exposure someday.
It is difficult
to deal with idiots. It is futile to explain to fucking boneheads. Only the
person going through such a situation would empathise with me. I stopped myself
from hitting them, as I didn’t want to come off as a gay man, who was ashamed
of his orientation. I wanted to set an example that I am Ok with what I am. For
them a video of guy on guy might be unnatural. But for me, that is my taste. I
am gay and for me man on man is not unnatural. I know that I had sex with
Jenifer and some might say that I am bisexual, but that forced feeling towards
females was because of the oppression I had faced at the hands of my family and
that is why I had suppressed by gayness
totally. But
now that I have put my foot down and am accepting this fact, then I have to
admit that I like having sex with men and that I will not cheat on my man by
having sex with any other male or female. I believe in trust, honesty and commitment
for life in any relationship.
These
heterosexual bastards who are laughing at gay porn should go to some gay clubs
someday and then they will see how they are laughed at!
The height of
discrimination was when I saw a very offensive cartoon in our toilet. If there
were cameras in the toilet and if I had come to know who drew it, I would
surely have had an ugly fight with that person. But again, since I have to
prove that I am Ok with the things at present, I have to be patient and not
fight back.
The equation
with my boss has changed now. Earlier I used to hate him because he reminded me
of what I was a few years ago and that I didn’t want to slip back into that
skin. But now that I have sunk into a comfortable gay mould, I don’t hate him.
Not that I like him either.
My preference
has 2 extremes. On one hand I like real men with rugged looks and real brawn
like that horse riding instructor who could control me like a cowboy, and on
the other hand, I like sweet, chubby guys with a good sense of humour with whom
I can have a hearty laugh and long sweet conversations. Like Saahil, for
example.
People have
started liking the poems on my blog. I have participated in a poem anthology by
a publisher from Mumbai. Let us see if they find my poem good enough to be
published.
Have lots of work in office next week. Gotta sleep now. Gn.
Shraddha Mehta is the name of the girl that I met last week.
Seems like a
good girl. Instead of the regular meeting at her home, we decided to meet at a
restaurant. She likes Rajasthani thali and I do too! So we met at Rajdhani at
Nirmal Lifestyle in Mulund. As soon as we occupied the table, the waiters
showered us with their warmth and the endless list of options, which we ate to
our heart’s content.
A stomach
filled with awesome food is always a good start to a new relationship, said a
wise man. We tried, but couldn’t talk much due to the constant barrage of
delicacies heaped onto our plates. So after lunch, we sat on a bench in front
of Shoppers’ Stop. We started off with the normal what I am doing, what she was
doing and education and likes and dislikes and stuff.
The start was
good as there were a lot many things common between us. For example she loves
Undhyoo very much and I too love Undhyoo like hell! And to top that, she also
knows how to make some awesome Undhyoo. I was very happy when I learnt that
because that is one thing that defines a Gujarati girl! If a Gujarati girl can
make Undhyoo and play Dandiya Raas, she is an authentic Gujju! She was also
very traditional like me. Believer in God. No garlic and onion. She is also a
lefty just like me. There are so many common points that we
could have been
brother and sister instead of could-be life partners. Hahaha!
Things look
good on that front, dear Diaz. But, I don’t know, every time I looked at her, I
was looking for Sneha in her. I wanted those dimples that were a prominent
characteristic of Sneha. I wanted that kala til on her chin, just like Sneha
had. I wanted those beautiful typical Konkanastha Brahmin cat-eyes that Sneha
had. Everything about Shraddha was good, if I closed my eyes. It was only when
I looked at her that I was searching for Sneha in Shraddha. I know this is
wrong. But, at least as of now, this is what I feel.
Gonna meet her again soon. Will share my experience then. Bye!
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