Chapter 56
A bad start to
a new year, Diaz. A bad start. On 29th December I had a long chat with Shraddha about
our compatibility and this is how it all ended. This is our Gmail chat.
Me: Hello madam.
Kem che?
Shraddha: Bas, majaa
maa. You say. Wassup?
Me: m fine too.
Thanks. So you had dinner?
Shraddha: Yes yes. I
have my dinner by 9 max. After 9 if you eat, calories get stuck on your
waist and that’s how you gain weight.
Me: ‘You’ as in?
Me? Saahil?
Shraddha: Lol. No no.
‘You’ as in anyone.
Me: I was
kidding, you didn’t have to explain. J
Shraddha: haha. Ok.
Cool. You say. Wasssp?
Me: Nothing much.
Just wanted to say that the last 2-3 meetings and N number of phone
calls with you have given me a good feeling about our relationship and
Shraddha: AND?
Me: And I think
it’s time for me to tell you a fact and see if you are ok with it. If
you want, you can back away from this relation.
Shraddha: Bring it on!
Saahil, you are the only guy out of 54 guys that I have met in the last
1 year that I have liked. I hope your shocker doesn’t involve you getting
caught in office having ding dong with a kaam wali bai! Hahahah…
Me: lol. No no. I
would never do that. In fact I can never do that.
Shraddha: As in?
Me: let alone
kaam wali bai, I cannot have sex with anyone.
Shraddha: :-O you gay?
Me: No. I meant
that I am impotent. I won’t be able to satisfy you.
Shraddha: What??????? If this is some joke, I really don’t appreciate it. You
are just 28. How can you be impotent at such a young age? I really fail to
understand this.
Me: It’s a long story. I don’t want to bore you with that. The conclusion
is that I won’t be able to keep you sexually happy.
Shraddha: Is it that
you like some other girl and now that she has said YES to you, you want
to get rid of me? If that is, pls tell me very frankly. If our relation doesn’t
go forward, I will have to give a reason to my parents too, right? I cannot
tell them that I have been hanging around with an impotent guy since last so
many days.
Me: I used to
like one girl. But she never cared for my feelings. You are the only one
who can come closest to her.
Shraddha: Oh! So I was
competing against some bitch who hurt your feelings! Why should I even
care to be in competition with a stranger and that too for a guy who wouldn’t
even be able to fuck me!
Me: Shraddha, you
don’t know her. So please don’t say any shit about her.
Shraddha: See. See.
There you go. You still love her, Saahil. For you, she is the absolute
that every girl will have to compete with. You know what Saahil, go fuck
yourself! Go fuck yourself! Ooops! Sorry! You can’t do that. Lol. Asshole!
Me: Sorry. I
should have been clear about this from the very beginning. Sorry for
wasting your time. Bye.
Me: You there?
Sneha?
Shraddha: Mr. Asshole,
you don’t even know who you are chatting with! I am Shraddha. Not Sneha.
If you have even 1 gram of self respect, then pls don’t ping me ever. Ever.
Ever. This ship has sailed. Jai Jinendra.
So Diaz, this is how it ended. I told her the truth and she rejected
me like a guy in a Mercedes who shoos away a homeless urchin trying to sell a
rose at a traffic signal.
Don’t know what
to write more. Tired I am. Need to stop thinking about love. It’s not made for
me.
Sneha’s Diary
Surprisingly,
life is not all that bad. I met 3 guys on the marriage front. 2 were ok. Good
looking. Nice salary. They wish to settle in US. Have nuclear families. And are
fair. The third guy was talking all the time about his childhood and how he and
his friends would annoy all the residents in the society. Arey! Why on earth
would I care what he did in his childhood? Idiot he was! The moment he was 10
minutes into his childhood tales, I had mentally crossed him off my list. I
started looking at my watch and then walked away after giving some excuse and
my share of money for lunch.
Things with
Aryan seem to be going ok till now. We both are on whatsapp, so we keep
chatting most of the time when we are not sleeping. He keeps sending me
shayaris and funny cartoons to make me smile. I also try to reciprocate that by
sending smileys and funny forwards. Vandu is happy to see things going in the
right direction. But marriage is not a matter where one should be very
desperate. One should take time to evaluate the options properly and then move
forward. See, everyone will put their best face forward when it comes to
arranged marriage. Aryan will show his good side and I will try to show how
good and beautiful and intelligent I am. He won’t tell me frankly the number of
affairs he has had or American chicks he has fucked and I wouldn’t clearly tell
him how I wouldn’t like to live in
joint families
and how I hate following traditions and being the poor cow in front of
relatives expecting me to cook a gazillions chapattis for them!
This arranged marriage thing is like that cards game where you show
one card at a time judiciously. I wish there was a way to find out if a guy is
telling the truth. It would make a girl’s life so easy.
I am following
Rahul’s blog of poems and he is so good at it. Too good. I have commented on
his blog. Let’s see if he responds to it. After that Jenifer fiasco, he has
become kind of a recluse. He doesn’t reply to my mails. But he surely does
update his blog. I miss his cute dimples and that fair pimple-free face and
those rosy lips! He looks like those handsome guys from Himachal Pradesh.
Handsome and cultured men they are!
I have come
back to Mumbai and have been to a few gay meet-ups and met a few counsellors to
make sure that my life henceforth heads in a proper direction. There was this
rave party for gays at a bungalow in Bandra. It was like a sea of options for
me to choose from. I didn’t know I could have so many options to choose from!
Hahaha!
I talked to a
few guys and it was indeed a nice feeling to be around people whose wavelength
matches yours. I could be ME amidst these people. They shared their stories of
coming out and how they have now adjusted in their lives. It was a nice meet
up.
Unfortunately
there was some problem created by the local police who had a problem with our
enjoyment. The residents in an adjacent building had complained, we were told.
There was this
one guy with a hairy chest and thick moustache who reminded me of my horse
riding sir. But he was already very busy with a guy. Maybe he had found his
mate. If I had met him before that guy, I think the story could have moved in
the right direction. Never mind. I will have to trust god to lead me down the
right path.
Gonna meet
Rajeev to see how he contributed to the NGOs and stuff and what I can do. Let’s
see.
So now that the
Shraddha ship has sailed, I am back to square one. Back to the no-girl-in-life
zone! It’s funny how some people don’t get any love from the opposite sex and
then there are some serial flirts who impress a girl, enjoy on their money,
have awesome sex and then apne apne raaste! I find all this so unethical. I just
hate this kind of zero-morals nature of people.
A couple of
days back, I read in the newspaper, there was a rave party for gays in Bandra.
The residents in a nearby building complained about it and then the police came
and caught many men on men having a nice time. Even though I hate gays, I wish
I were gay! At least I would have a good number of options to choose from and
the posh rich gays would indeed be a treat to sleep with! Eeeeeew! What am I
thinking! Sorry sorry God.
I am totally in
opposition to same sex stuff. God didn’t make guys to sleep with guys. I know that
as an educated guy, I should be saying, “hey, it is all ok man. They have their
life and shit”. I would rather die than be gay and get married to a gay guy!
The world can be in the 30th
century I don’t care and I still wouldn’t be ok with same-sex stuff!
By the way, I
participated in one more anthology competition and my story has been selected.
Next to next week I will be getting the copy of
my first book!
First book as in, my contribution to the first anthology. Holding that book will
be an awesome feeling!
Hitesh is still
in jail and will be there for a long long time. Now that my own life is messed
up, I haven’t got much time to think about others’ lives.
Good night
Diaz. True love is a myth. These movie heroes should be sued for making people
so optimistic about true love. True love is bullshit. It doesn’t exist. Fuck
true love!
Sneha’s Diary
Finally Rahul
replied to my mails. He said he was busy with work in his home town and hence
he couldn’t reply. He was in Delhi for a while. He quit his job because of
monetary issues and fights with his boss. He said that he is planning to join
an NGO so that he can spend time with people who need him rather than be a
corporate slave. Nice thought that is. Clap clap clap, Rahul.
Vandana, Jiju
and his whole family had to come down to Pune as Jiju’s eldest uncle had a
heart attack. He passed away in his sleep. He was 70. Death in sleep is the
best, I think. Anyway, so Vandu, Jiju, Aryan and their parents are going to
halt at our place in Dombivli for a day or two before flying back to the States
on 9th February.
I was aware of
this sudden plan even before Vandu told me. Aryan had informed me. He also told
me that this visit would be a good chance for us to meet and see if I can be an
addition to their family.
I have left my
job and will get my experience certificate and full-n-final settlement amount
in a month or two. I have also approached the teacher at that NGO that I used
to be associated with when I was working for FuturePerfect. But she has now
moved to an old age home in Sion. She has asked me to go to that old age home
and see if can contribute there. Not sure whether I will go there. I already
had a good rapport with kids at the NGO where I taught English. Now
trying to
create rapport with old people would be difficult. Anyway, right now priority
for me is exploring the Aryan angle. Does he deserve me? Let’s see.
I have now
started watching all the American sitcoms and thrillers that my friends have
been recommending to me since ages. I have downloaded this sitcom called “The
Office”. I love it to the core! There is this character called Jim Halpert. He
is so so so cute and handsome! Among boys, he is the best and among men, George
Clooney is the GOD!
Catch ya later!
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