Veena had started
showing more interest towards Aditya after the superb explanation that the two
boys had put forward. So, now Aditya needed some material to keep their
conversation going. Aditya stole away from Veena for a while and came to me,
asking for a few tips. I suggested that since Veena knew people in heaven after
a brief stint on earth, he should talk about the various kinds of people that
one can find in heaven and in an engineering college.
Aditya buckled
up for the task of impressing his woman and went back visibly more confident.
As he sat close
to her, he whispered in her ear so that others couldn’t hear, “I am very sure
you are on the shoot-at-sight list in heaven.”
Veena, who had
been anticipating something more interesting than that, was thrown off guard
and shouted to for all to hear, “What? Are you kidding me? What the fuck do you
mean?”
“No, no! I am
sure your killer looks have killed many in heaven too! Just as you must have
done on earth,” Aditya justified.
I felt so proud
of him in that one moment. And in a moment I realised that I was not the only
one. Veena came forward and kept one hand on his with a, “Dhatt, naughty boy!”
Aditya was beaming
with pride and Veena continued, “Are all engineers like you, masters in the art
of talking to women? What kind of a crowd do you find in engineering colleges
in India?”
Aditya
explained in detail.
---------------
My everyday
travel to office is an adventure in itself. I stand in the train for 45 minutes,
then stand in a crowded bus for another 45 minutes. And when I step into the
office, I spend majority of my day staring at my wristwatch, waiting for it to
strike 5.40!
It was a short
while ago that while travelling in the train that a group of students hopped on
and happened to stand beside me. Trust me, there is no better way to while away
one’s time in a train than to check other people out, or eavesdrop into fellow
commuters’ conversations. This group, to my luck, comprised engineering
students from a college in Dadar. After hearing their words for about ten
minutes, I could deduce that out of the six of them, three were from Computer
Science, one each from Electrical, Mechanical and Civil. If you’re wondering
how I came to know that, I’ll tell you what they were talking about. While the
computer science guys showed off their knowledge of everything, including the
non-working and slow rotation of the fan in the local train, and their sense of
superiority over other engineers-to-be, the mechanical and electrical guys
complained how girls give more love and attention to computer guys because they
get air-conditioned offices and lucrative jobs more easily.
I thought to
myself how women would always do a thorough research before hitting on a guy,
unlike awe guys who hit on almost any girl who appeals to us for her looks.
I could totally
empathize with them because I am an electrical engineer from the best
engineering (not bragging, just stating the fact) in Mumbai. So, you can
imagine the crowd we had! Thus, the ignorance we felt as compared to those
computer engineer guys was also royal!
After alighting
from the train, I took the bus. There were two girls sitting on the seat ahead
of mine. They were chit chatting to produce cacophonic sounds, crusading right
through my ear drums, abuzz all around. They’d been talking about their
studies all along, and this is what I managed to hear.
Girl 1: Hey Anju, did
you complete the Electrical Machines assignment?
Girl 2: No yaar, will copy it from Kaustubh. Why
work hard when we can copy from someone?
Girl 1: khikhikhikhikhi…
by the way, did you hear that rumour about Sunidhi?
Girl 2: Ya, ya. I
already knew that she would be dumped by Rahul. Rahul is such a stud, he
wouldn’t have stayed with her for more than that! And Rahul…I just love him.
Girl 1: khikhikhikhi…
Control your emotions, you
cheapo!
Girl 2: You
cheapo! (and more giggles) Khikhikhikhi…
I
couldn’t control myself – as much at their confidence of copying assignments,
as the love for some guy who don’t probably know about the existence of these
girls –and burst out with laughter. The first girl turned around with a sharp
look and spit the words, “Uncle, any problem?” with great ease.
She turned back
and high-fived the other girl with a giggle, while I sat there, embarrassed.
If there was
someone I could blame for setting unreasonable expectations in the hearts of
girls in engineering colleges, it would doubtless be Shahrukh Khan. Rahul
a.k.a. Shahrukh Khan in Kuch Kuch Hota
Hai. I know he was not an engineering student in the movie, but he somehow
came to represent the graduating stud of every college across the nation.
Finally, I
carried my wisdom on women and from women to work. Once I had time with myself,
which is in plenty on weekdays in office, I recollected both the incidents and
tried to correlate them with the kind of engineering students that we find in
this country.
1) A
Rahul - A prototype of an engineering student who looks like a
good-looking male model that you find in advertisements. Whenever he enters the
basketball court in the college, the boys stop playing, girls stop giggling and
look at him wondering whether Rahul noticed their presence on this planet.
Rahul then takes off his sunglasses, smiles and waves at the group of girls
ogling at him. He then takes the ball from one of the boys and drops it into
the hoop in just one attempt! Girls go crazy and drool over him while the
boys just swear!
2) A Non-Rahul: An
opposite prototype of a Rahul kind. He comes to college ten minutes before the
first lecture, every day. Before sitting on the bench, he takes out a waste
paper from his bag, cleans his bench and then sits. He doesn’t like to bother
his mother with dirty clothes. A non-Rahul takes notes properly in every
lecture.
3) A
Vaishali: A female counterpart of a non-Rahul. So, most of the
characteristics applicable to non-Rahul are applicable to a Vaishali, too. She
comes to college fully dressed, makes sure she doesn’t miss any lecture and
completes college submissions on her own. She is normally in the top twenty
students of the class.
4) A
non-Vaishali - A female counterpart of a Rahul and totally opposed to
a Vaishali. She comes to college scantily clad, doesn’t have to try too hard to
attract eyeballs, hates doing engineering but agrees to complete it partly for
the sake of her parents and partly to end up marrying (read grabbing) some
IIM/IIT guy later on. And yes, she doesn’t give even a tiny rat’s ass to any
tail-wagging non-Rahul, ever!
I was sure this
analysis was going to turn out pretty interesting if taken up seriously. So, I
made a questionnaire about the kind of hobbies, sports they indulge in, what
they do in college, how is their love life going, etc. Around thirty boys and twenty
girls from a nearby engineering college were my subjects. Here’s what I bumped
into:
1) A Rahul:
a.
Describe yourself: Hi! I am a chilled out guy, you know what Shahrukh
seems in the movies of mid-90s! I wear Ray-Ban glasses, have fake tattoos of my
girlfriends’ names at weird places on my body (psst, I have had four till now
and they work wonders in impressing girls), come to college to just chill out
with ma friends and like to play basketball. Girls just go crazy for me.
b.
Hobbies: Yapperz bro! Playing basketball, flirting
with babes, participating in intercollegiate dance competitions, doing anything and
everything not even distantly related to Engineering! And yes, I love playing
guitar and love it even more when awesome girls go crazy for me and keep adding
me as friends on Facebook. I have around 100 unaccepted friendship requests on
FB!
c. Love life: Like crazy shit! Have tried everything! And with the hottest of babes in the
nearby colleges, too! Mainly after dance competitions.
d. Any
Bad habits: Yes, if you consider doing drugs, smoking pots and
cigarettes as bad. And yes, I bribe my teachers to fix my marks in the internal
exams! You think that is wrong? Then hell, ya!
e. Do you
understand what they teach you in class: Who cares! I sometimes wonder
how electricity understands where and how to flow in so damn complicated
circuits! Poor electrons!
f. Do you think
you can solve a real life engineering problem: Are you kidding
me? If I solve the real life engineering problems, then won’t the ITI guys be
unemployed? ;-)
g. What do you
want to do after engineering: Not decided yet. Maybe I will join dad’s
business, or and maybe join the TV serial industry (I’ve got THE looks). I
might also try to be a Roadies 10 contestant and $%@# Raghu and his team!
h. What do you
do whole day in college: Good question! I come to college at 10. Then
go to canteen and spend time with Gotya, Chimps, Nidhi, Vats and Kats; most
time is spent deciding the venue for the evening’s party! Then I attend a
couple of lectures or some practical. At 5, I do what I am best at – play
basketball to impress the chics from the Computer Science department! Are they
hot or what!
i. Your
thoughts on your fellow batch mates: Hmm….ok, what should I say about
them? Hmm… they are the okay sorts. I just wonder how they can live a life like
a donkey! I mean there is this brother duo – Ramesh and Suresh that works so
hard all day! They come from a place that is 2.5 hrs from college! I mean this
is a freaking dog’s life man! I pity them! And I also pity those
non-good-looking girls who just keep ogling in the anticipation that I’d spare
them one look! They better go after the Ramesh kinda guys! Losers!
2) A non-Rahul:
a.
Describe yourself: Hi.
I am a hardworking engineering student belonging to a middle class family. I go
to college to study mechanical engineering and want to make India’s cheapest
car.
b.
Hobbies:
I like participating in intercollegiate paper presentation competitions and
like participating in technical events. I have won two national level robotics
competitions and three paper presentation events. So, in short, I like doing
and reading everything related to my field.
c.
Sports you play: Badminton,
sometimes.
d.
Love life: Sorry.
No time for that crap. Let the Rahul kind of guys handle that department.
e.
Any bad habits: Not
really. I smoke sometimes, just so that I don’t regret not doing it when I look
back at my engineering days!
f.
Do you understand what they
teach you in class: What
sort of question is that! Of course, yes.
g.
Do you think you can solve
a real life engineering problem: Yes!
As a matter of fact, I have a very inquisitive bent of mind. I like to explore
things.
h.
What do you want to do
after engineering: I want to join Tata Motors
and challenge the management that I can come up with a better and cheaper car
than their Nano.
i.
What do you do whole day in
college: I believe in “birds of same feather flock
together”. So, I hang out with the serious and studious lot. We keep updating
each other with any new development in our field and participate in
competitions.
j.
Your thoughts on your
fellow batch mates: I really don’t like to
comment on others. Sorry. As the saying goes, “Great minds discuss ideas. Cheap
minds discuss people.”
3) A Vaishali:
a. Describe yourself: Hi. If you take
others’ words too seriously, then you might also feel that I represent the
unglamorous type of girls. But, keep in mind the very famous quotation, “The
amount of beauty and brains is constant”. So, even if I am not that pretty,
from what you feel, I have the brains that very few in my batch have. I am not
a showoff kind of a person. I like to hang out with friends of my intellectual
level. That’s the reason why I never spend time with the petite beauties of the
class. Although I check out the smart guys in college; but that doesn’t give
them any right to belittle me. Maa kasam,
ask them to challenge me in anything related to academics! Nahi rulaya to naam Vaishali nahi!
b. Hobbies: Yes.
Reading, singing, hanging out with friends in canteen during breaks and after
college timings. Watching plays and movies.
c. Sports you
play: Volleyball.
d. Love
life: Not really. I trust that my parents will find me some good guy.
So, till then I can just look at the Rahul kind of guys in college and be happy
gossiping about their love life!
e. Any
bad habits: No, No. What are you saying! Actually, I watched “The
Dirty Picture” once. Does that qualify as bad?
f. Do you
understand what they teach you in class: Of course! All my fundas are
totally clear.
g. Do you
think you can solve a real life engineering problem: Not for nothing
am I known in my family as the “handyman”!
h. What
do you want to do after engineering: Maybe MS from some good college
in the US or work in some good company and then get married.
i. What
do you do whole day in college: I reach college pretty early and have
my breakfast in the canteen. Then I attend the lectures till 1, which end for
me to eat the tiffin made by my sweet mom. Attend a few more lectures or
practicals after lunch and pass time with my girlfriends.
j. Your
thoughts on your fellow batchmates: Hmm… there are a few very good and
studious students in the class. One brother duo-Ramesh and Suresh are such! I
like talking to simple and studious classmates. There are a few girls who think
that they are the queens of this world. Makeup, lipstick, eyelashes and what
not they apply! God! If such girls become engineers, no wonder there will be
blackouts like the ones that happened in the Northern states recently!
4) A non-Vaishali:
a. Describe
yourself: I recently bought earrings from Lorraine Schwartz Diamonds
and Fine Jewellers when I had been to France last month. My aunt stays there. I
also went to Eifel Tower and imagined how the love of my life will propose to me
there! Oh sorry, I missed the question, what was it? Describing myself? Huh! I
like wearing good and trendy clothes, not the like Behenji types! Eeeeks! I wonder how some girls in my class can wear
such shabby clothes! Eeew! There is something called “class” when it comes to
looking good! Anyway, I am currently in Computer Engineering third year and
don’t know anything about programming. I just copy the assignments from Nikhil
or Siddharth. Sometimes when I get bored of writing the assignments or
submissions, I go and talk to Vimesh or Rajesh. They help me write them too!
Haha… Jerks!
b.
Hobbies: I like shopping, partying
at discotheques, going for long drives in my Mercedes or my boyfriend’s BMW!
c. Sports
you play: Tennis and Breaking poor
Vimesh’s or Rajesh’s hearts! Haha… Jerks!
d. Love
life: Could it be more awesome?!
e. Any
bad habits: Does Vodka, whisky and
stuff mean bad habits?
f. Do you
understand what they teach you in class: You’re joking, right? Why should I care to understand how to write programs
or how microprocessor works? Eventually I am gonna be some handsome wealthy
guy’s socialite wife! So, why work so hard on the brain?
g. Do you
think you can solve a real life engineering problem: Please don’t insult my intelligence by asking the same question! You are
just rephrasing the above question and trying to see how smart I am! Isn’t it?
h. What
do you want to do after engineering: I want to come on page 3 of Bombay Times and HT Café! So, accordingly I
will plan my life. Let’s see.
k. What
do you do whole day in college: Waste
time in few lectures, just chill out with good-looking guys, then party in the
evening.
l. Your
thoughts on your fellow batch mates:
Do you think I care! I just pity these behenji
kinda girls! I mean, how will they get good, wealthy and handsome guys in life
if they don’t concentrate on their looks? Don’t they care even a bit about
their appearance? I am sure those behenjis
will end with Vimesh and Rajesh kind of guys! Haha… Jerks!
-------------
Aditya was
beaming with pride as he said the last sentence.
“So what type
were you, Adu”, asked Veena with a scintillating smile.
“Aditya has
turned into Adu,” I whispered to Aditya.
Aditya sat up
straight and responded with love, “In my engineering days, I was a non-Rahul
type! A simple guy who loves a girl with all his heart. I am like Salman Khan. Ek baar jo commitment kar di to fir mai apne aap ki bhi nahi
sunta!”
“Who does Salman not listen to? Is it ‘aap’ or ‘baap’?”, asked Veena
with a twinkle in her eye.
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