Character 6 Gatekeeper of Ashabai Old Age Home

Character 6

Gatekeeper of Ashabai Old Age Home

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Mr. Sharma, aged 64, stares at the river opposite to Ashabai old age home.

Mrs. Patil, aged 73, keeps looking at the fence made of barbed wire and thorns.

Mr. Gupte, aged 69, talks to the 10 year old mango tree planted in the lawns of Ashabai old age home.

Mrs. Gupta talks to cute puppies strolling around in the lawns of Ashabai old age home.

The above scene is a small sample of what the old people of Ashabai old age home go through every day. I, the gate-keeper of Ashabai old age home, have spent fourty years serving this old age home.

As a child, I used to be pampered a lot by my grandfather. So, I had a lot of affection for him. Once, because of some property dispute, my father threw my grandfather out of his own home. Because of lack of education, my grandfather couldn’t resort to any legal action. My father enrolled my grandfather in Ashabai old age home. As an immature 20 year old and because of my affection for my grandfather, I ran from my own home and joined Ashabai old age home as a helper in the canteen. That was the only way I could have been with my grandfather.

I still remember the day when I first washed the plates in the canteen. Firstly, all uncles and aunties (rather grannies and grandpas) had their lunch. Then the staff of the old age home had their lunch. And finally, I, along with 6 other members of the canteen staff, washed all the plates, and then had our lunch. That lunch had a different taste, a different meaning, a different satisfaction. Primarily because I had served the old people and the happiness that glowed from their faces was just worth all the effort and wait for my own lunch. Secondarily, it was the first time in my life that I had worked hard to earn a plate of food for myself.

There were many things that I observed on the first day in the old age home. I saw old people staring at something, keeping themselves busy with something, talking to themselves, talking to plants, fiddling with barbed wires, crying during their lunch, gazing at the river, throwing pebbles in the river and counting the ripples in the river, strolling around aimlessly. I was very hurt to see that. Maybe because I hadn’t seen people behave in such a manner earlier. I didn’t have dinner that night. I went to bed and kept thinking about what I had seen through the day and what would happen when I would become old. I dreaded to think of how I will bear the pain of being ousted out of my own home by the person whom I taught to walk, talk, read, write…

My daily routine consisted of getting up at 5.00 in the morning. I had to turn on the water pump to make sure that the tank was full. Around 5.30 AM, most of the grannies and grandpas used to start waking up. So, I had to keep warm water ready for them. There were 9 bathrooms for men and 6 for women. A total of 89 grannies and grandpas used to stay in the old age home. By around 7.00 AM, everybody used to be ready for the prayers in the hall. They used to sing “Itni shakti hame dena daataa, man ka vishwaas kamjor hona….” and “Allah tero naam, eshwar tero naam…” I used to hear these prayers while being busy in the canteen making Poha, Upmaa, Sheera, Coffee and Tea for them.

By 7.30 AM, everybody used to be ready to have their breakfast. Newspapers used to be placed on the tables. Grannies and grandpas used to relish the Upmaa that I used to make. In fact, the cook prior to me had never tried making Upmaa. So, when I made Upmaa, everyone loved it very much and so my enthusiasm to serve them increased even more. More touching was the fact that after having made the Upmaa for the first time, one granny came up to me while I was having my breakfast. She smiled at me, said “Upmaa bahut accha banaya, beta. Meri beti aisa Upmaa banati thi” and handed me an ink pen. I asked her as to why had she preserved an ink pen for so many years and why was she giving it to me. She said “This ink pen is very special to me. I had won it as a 1^st prize in a story writing competition held in our society. Out of all the 40 year olds who participated in that competition, my story was adjudged the best. I had written a story on an old couple who spend their last days in an old age home. At that time, I never realized that I had written my own story. At 60, that story became a reality for me and my husband…..” Tears started flowing from her eyes. She didn’t utter any word after that. Each tear was like a scream, a silent scream. 40 years passed by since that incident happened and I have still preserved that pen; because it is not just a pen for me. It’s a remembrance. It is like a priceless gift for me. When I am about to die, I will hand over that pen to some hard-working, innocent guy working in the canteen of this old age home.

I have spent 4 decades in this old age home. But still, all the things are the same. In those days, young men and women used to come to visit the old age home and would say “Oh we love old people. Your old age home is so neat and clean and good. We would like to make donations to this old age home”. And few years later, they would send their old parents to this “neat and clean and good” old age home. Even today, the things are still the same. Young men and women come to visit the old people and show off their love for old people and then finally leave their parents in the 4 walls of the old age home. Earlier, I used to cry at such instances as:

1. A boy leaves his parents at the gate of the old age home. Parents cry. (This reminds me of the day when the kids are sent to school and they cry their eyes out and their parents stand at the gate cheering them up and ensuring them that “they are always there for the kids”). The daughter-in-law stares at the boy. The parents stop crying because they know that there is no point in crying for someone who is no more theirs.
2. The boy leaves his father at the door step of the old age home. The father begs of the boy to keep him at home. The old man ensures that he will never ever say anything to daughter-in-law or grandson and that he will never ever ask for anything more than a pair of white clothes in one year and 2 meals a day. The boy doesn’t budge. The old man avoids looking at me standing at the gate. He finally accepts the fact that ‘men do cry’.
3. A daughter-in-law comes in a posh Toyota Innova and takes out the luggage of her mother-in-law. The timid husband just keeps mum. Silent screams fill the air. The old lady wonders what mistake she did to deserve being kicked out of her own home. She accepts the reality. She looks at me and I give her an assuring smile that she has finally reached the right place on earth. Here, finally, she will feel at home. Here, finally, she will meet people who would love her, respect her. She would live her life here.

Now, such instances have hardened me. I cry no more. I analyze no more. I just give an assuring smile to every old man or woman who is made to spend his/her life in solitude. I make them feel as though their reaching this old age home was the best possible thing that could happen to them. By the way, most of the people here are happier than they used to be at their homes. Naturally, when you are told to leave your own home, you would feel torn. But, here, at Ashabai old age home, you get to be your OWN SELF. You get to do what you want. You get do what your heart always wanted to do. You get to be FREE. You get to let yourself loose. That is the beauty of this place. People here learn how to utilize the last days of their lives. See, in life, there are only 2 ways in which you can live – 1) keep regretting about the past or 2) forget the past and enjoy the TODAY , which is the reason why it is called the PRESENT. I mean, if you keep regretting about your past, it is going to do no good to you. You would just keep getting more and more demoralized further. So, better be in the present, mix with like-minded people and enjoy the last days of life. Once one old gentleman had told me – “Never cry for anybody. Because, one who loves you would never make you cry and the one who makes you cry is not worth your tears…” So true he was!

Of all the people living in this old age home, I find one Mr.Thakkar to be very different. He wakes up every day at 4.45 AM. He bathes with cold water and by 5.15 he is ready to go out for a morning walk. And mind well, it is not just a plain morning walk. He carries a small bag full of coins of Rs.5 and Re.1 denomination. He walks for 2 kms to reach the main market where he exchanges those chillar in lieu of paper money of Rs.100 or Rs. 500. Since the shopkeepers get the necessary change that they require the whole day, they give Mr.Thakkar Rs.5 profit on every Rs.100 i.e if Mr. Thakkar gives the shopkeeper chillar worth Rs. 500, then the shopkeeper gives Mr. Thakkar Rs.25 as profit. So, in this way, Mr. Thakkar earns some money and maintains his health by way of morning walk. There is a lot to learn from him.

If you felt that people here just keep crying, then sorry to say, you are wrong! Every day, at 9.00 in the morning, these grannies and grandpas have laughter sessions for one hour. In these sessions, they tell jokes to each other and keep laughing. In fact, even when you fake-laugh at others’ jokes, after some time, you actually start laughing! This has been my observation. Some people laugh till the point that they start crying. Of course, those tears are tears of joy! Then, from 10.00 AM till 11.00 AM, they do light exercises and Pranayam. This keeps them fit. 11.00 to 12.30 PM is “Own time” i.e. ‘do what you like’ time. At 12.30 PM, they have lunch and 1.30 to 3.30 they take a nap. 4 PM to 5 PM is the time to have evening snacks and tea. Till today, I am told to make Upmaa for all! From 5 to 7, they play some games or spend time with kind people who come to meet them. 7.30 to 8.30 is the dinner time and 10.00 PM is the bed-time. The day ends. Some keep gazing at the fan. Some keep staring at the small beam of ray of light that sneaks into their room. Some talk to God. Some talk to themselves. Some talk to the photos of their children. They bless their children. They keep praying to God to keep their children happy. Parents are like that only! Selfless. Caring.

I keep praying to God to soften the hearts of children so that they understand what sacrifices their parents must have made to make them what they are and where they are. You should see the happiness on the faces of these grannies and grandpas when someone comes to meet them. They can’t stop themselves from telling how happy they are here. They keep on telling how lucky they are to have got a place in the Ashabai old age home. Just as the visitors are about to go, the grannies and grandpas make them sit for another half an hour because they know the fact that not everyone on this earth has time to talk to them, listen to them. The grannies roam around in the garden with the small kids of the visitors. I can’t stop crying when I see those old people play with small kids. It is like, the grannies and grandpas see their own grandchildren in those small kids and pamper them so much that you realize that there is so much love in their hearts that they want to give, but there is no one to take that love. The kind visitors usually bring some sweets or clothes or a few shawls. The grannies and grandpas then bless the visitors with all the happiness in the world and tell them one thing “Parents are another form of God. Respect them. Love them. Not everyone is lucky to be with the ones they love”.

After spending 40 years at this old age home, I have understood a few things in life:

1. It doesn’t matter whether you belong to a rich family or a poor family. If you are destined to be left alone in your old age, you will have to spend those last years of your life in solitude.
2. Values matter a lot. How you bring up your child is more important than whether he stands first in class or excels in sports or elocution. A child should be taught that parents are just another form of God.
3. Always have a good back-up in life. Financial back up is very important. You never know when greed might corrupt the minds of the young and then you might have to face the unexpected. Also, make sure that you have your mediclaim renewed every year, because old age brings with it many ailments and other problems.
4. Invest in relations. This is the best type of investment. You never know which relative might turn up as an angel in your life.
5. Love everyone equally. Be kind to everyone equally. Sometimes, excess of love to one might make that person take you for granted and the day you are taken for granted, you will realize your mistake. It would be pretty late to mend the mistake by then.
6. Change with time. In teenage, we behave as if the whole world is ours and everything works the way we want it to. In old age we come to realize that only a few things work the way we want, the rest we need to accept as they are.
7. Accept the reality that not every human being can maintain its value and importance with time. In childhood, you are liked because you make your parents proud. When you cross 21, you are liked because you contribute to the financial health of the family. But in old age, you are not an asset to the family. You are just another member who needs love, money, care and time to be devoted from busy lives of the young ones.
8. The sooner you accept the reality, the more time you will have to enjoy the remaining life.

By the way, I could provide you all the above gyaan because in my 40 years at this old age home, I have served many posts. If I hadn’t lost my temper while talking to a trustee once, I would have been one of the key members of the old age home. But, unfortunately, once, I had a spat with one trustee over the allocation of funds for gardening. I was 53 then. I had no choice, but to beg of them to let me be in the old age home. I didn’t have anyone else to take care of me. There was this vacancy available for the post of gatekeeper. I applied and here I am, sitting all day long at the gate of Ashabai old age home, observing Mr. Sharma stare at the River, Mrs. Patil stare at the barbed fence…