“You
took me back to the good old engineering days, man!” I applauded Aditya’s work
and gave him a high-five. Veena praised him heartily and suggested, “This was a
very small chapter and look at the way Dipen has been sent back to his good old
days. We need something more that will help the Big Boss identify a true
engineering student. What say?” And our lover boy agreed to Veena’s idea more
readily than he would have agreed to go back to college. So he started blurting
out a few commonly used sentences in engineering college. He belted out around fifteen
sentences in just two minutes! Veena looked at Aditya in disbelief.
“Wow…
that sounded very intelligent. But you know what? I understood only the third
and the last sentence as they were in English. I am a Tamil Brahmin fairy, born
and raised in Chennai. So, if you want to write this whole chapter in Hindi,
then I will not participate in the making of this chapter,” said Veena with
sadness in her tone that Aditya obviously could not tolerate.
I
try to reason with Veena, “But the essence of those lines lies in the language.
There is a big difference between saying ‘teri
maa ki aankh’ and ‘your mother’s eye’!”
“Guys,
we can do one thing. We can have both options in this chapter: first we can
give it in Hindi for the benefit of those who are comfortable with it. And then
later in the same chapter, we can give it in English translation, too. Please
understand my pain. This is almost the last chapter and I will have to impress
Veena. It’s now or never!” justified Aditya.
He
made sense. After all, love triumphs over hard work! So, this chapter is an
exhaustive compilation of the sentences or dialogues (mostly in Hindi) that you
must have said or heard in your four years of engineering. The same have been
translated into English in the other half of the chapter! You can read whatever
suits you! Big Boss never gave us a limitation on the number of pages; so it’s
okay I guess!
------------------------------------------------
You
are not a true engineer if you haven’t said or heard these lines in your four
years of engineering!
1) For Attendance
a)
Bola tha proxy regularly maar, saale tere class attend karne ka
fayda kya hua!
b)
Ma’am ye rahi fest ki, sports ki, activities ki, placements ki,
seminar ki, games ki, training ki, blah blah blah ki attendance, ab to 125 % ho
gayi!
c)
Pssst….Andar aau kya?
d)
Student: Sir, May I come in?
Professor: What happened?
Student: My neighbour’s dog died.
Professor: Yesterday also some dog died na?
Professor: Yesterday my other neighbour’s dog died.
Professor
stares.
Student: I live in a chawl, sir.
Professor: Then I am sure there are many more dogs
that are going to die soon.
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: Idiot!
2) Late submission of assignments
a)
Maine tujhe bola tha na tera hone ke baad mere liye bhi ek copy
banake saath mein submit karne ko!
b)
They should allow xerox copies to be submitted, too. Saala
system hi kharab hai!
c)
Sir, maine submit kiya tha sir; aap se misplace ho gaya hoga.
(To friends after this) Jugaad ho gaya mera to, tum likho ab
assigmnment…hahaha…
d)
Saale ye likhna zaruri tha tujhe? Type nahi kar sakta tha, main
bhi print out nikal leta!
e)
Sir mujhe to sab ne next week submission ki last date batayi
thi, sab saale mile hue hain!
3) Viva :
a)
Oye, kya kya poocha, mood kaisa hai?
b)
Dekh boss, external bhi aadmi hi hai, usey pata hai students ki
haalat kya hoti hai.
c)
Arey experiment to ho hi jayega pen-drive se, Viva padh lo bas.
d)
External to ‘bhondu’ hai, usey kuch nahi aata. Chill maar.
e)
Abe, andar ki khabar sun, external apna hi banda hai. Chill
maar.
f)
Tere saath to pooja hai, bas uske har answer pe gardan hilate
rehna.
g)
Viva mein kya hai, chupchap baith jaane ka, aur kuch nahi to
silence maintain karne ka. Marks to mil hi jayenge!
h)
Saala...Topper ke baad hi mera roll number hai...agar Group viva
hua, to sab kuch woh hi bolega...main phir se maraa...!
4) Copying assigments:
a)
Ye bhi chaapna hai kya?
b)
Kaat kaat ke likh de, kaun padta hai.
c)
What assigment?
d)
Abey index poora bana de, andar kaun dekhta hai.
e)
Sabse sasta printout kahan hota hai?
f)
Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai wo likh, jo nahi samjh mein aa
raha uska drawing nikal.
g)
Arey yaar ghaseet de, naa tu samjhega naa wo!
h)
Abey naam to apna likh de.
i)
Inner Outer leke aa na mere liye bhi! Arre haan Index
bhi....Please!
j)
Tere assignment mein se to copy hi nahi kar sakte! First aur
third sentence ke beech mein koi link nahi hai!
k)
(To the one who has originally written the assignment) Abbe
dukkar, itna lamba kyu likha tune? Aur likha toh likha, theek hai; do graphs
bhi plot kar diye tune!
5) Sessional test
a)
Oye Pooja kahan hai, uska roll number mere baad hai? Wo nahi ayi
to main pakka fail!
b)
Bhai exam shuru honey wala hai, pencil do, bench pe likhna hai.
c)
Abhi to sem start hua hai, itni jaldi test, hudd hai!
d)
Invigilator acha nahi aaya yaar, nahi to 55 out 60 ki tayari
poori thi meri.
e)
Chhod naa be...this is just a class test! Final exam mein padh
ke likh denge!
f)
Prof to students: As this is just a class test, you can use your
books like in an Open-book test. If that helps.
6) Lab
a)
Short mein bata karna kya hai?
b)
Isko chalaate kaise hain? Yaar software chala ke dede!
c)
Computer tedha kar, copy karna hai.
d)
Bhai jab poori file ban jaye to mail kar dena.
e)
Yaar koi proxy site bana. Orkut nahi khul raha.
f)
Abey ye lab kaunse floor pe hai?
g)
(staring at equipments in Electrical lab)
“B*******d, how do electrons know
how to flow in such a tortuous circuit?”
h)
(whispering to the Lab Assistant)
“Sir, ye kaise karna hai?”
7) After test
a)
Yaar padha to tha, recall nahi kar paya. Chhod na, canteen
chalte hain.
b)
Aankh band karke kuch to likha do ghanta, aur kya!
c)
Chal achaa hai kuch nahi padha; kuch padhta tab bhi fail ho
jata.
d)
Abey yaar retest ke liye bol do.
e)
Yaar wo sir to apne hi hain, tension naa le, marks de denge.
f)
Ab tu mujhse test ki baat na kar!
g)
Abey yaar, baahar jisey bithaya tha book lekar wo bhag gaya,
main to fail ho jaunga.
h)
Ye bhi syllabus mei tha kya? Shit!
i)
First mein teen, second mein zero, third mein do ... Gaya, fail
pakka!
j)
Chal yaar ek aur niptaa, kitne bache hain?
k)
Beta tu rehne de, kuch bhi nahi dikhaya tuney. Yahi teri dosti!
l)
Abey wo kya likh raha tha, do extra sheets li usne!
m) KT ka form kaun kaun bhar raha hai
mere saath?
8) On being late
a)
Pehla lecture iska tha kya? Attendance ho gayi kya?
b)
Ek page de na. Abey pen bhi to de, nahi to likhunga kis se?
c)
(Sending an sms to one of the friends in class) permission
maangu aane ke liye ya nahi? Aane de raha hai aaram se?
d)
Abey saalon, sabne kal to bola tha mass bunk hai?
9)
During the lecture
a) Saala apne aap ko Newton samajhta hai,
pooch aise raha hai jaise khudne bohot padhaya ho!
b) Abey lecture ko maar goli, wo bandi kya
lag rahi hai aaj. Saale uske baaju wali seat pe nahi baith sakta tha!
c) Bahar itni garmi hai, upar se ye dimag
ka fuse jala raha hai!
d) Maine to pehle hi kaha tha iski class
bunk kar lo. Tum logo mein hi keede the!
e) Ye dekh! Kaisa mast cartoon banaya hai
na maine?
f) Ye laga third sixer! 26, 56, 36!
g) Pehli baar khel raha hai kya “Name,
Place, Animal, Thing”?
h) Bench mat hila. Sone de.
i) Shalini ko dekh; ankh khuli rakh ke soti
hai!
j) Ye chit Shraddha ko paas kar.
k) Abe tune notice kiya? Malini Ajay ko
line de rahi thi! Kidhar dhyaan hai be tera!
l) Professor: Do you know how bad the outside
job market is? What will you become after graduation? Haan?
Student: No issues, sir. I will
become a professor just like you.
m) Yeh subject ka kuch use hi nahi hai
aage!
n) Student 1: Iske biwi bacche isko kaise jhelte
hain ghar pe..!
Student 2: Abbe....Saale ki
shaadi hi nahi hui abhi tak..!
10)At the hostel
a) 11 baje hain; chal Chinese khane jaate
hai.
b) Aaj fir mood nahi college jaaneka.
c) Load mat le, PL mein padh lenge.
d) Roti hai ki rubber hai!
e) Kal se sube 6 baje uthke bhaagne
jayenge. Tu ayeaga?
f) Abe bahar nikal. Aadha ghanta ho gaya.
So gaya kya andar???
g) Chana kum khaate jaa saale. Fart-machine
number 1!
h) Abe gende, kitna khayega aur soyega
poora din? College tera baap jayega?
i) Abe room ke bahar jaa ke paad maar naa
B*******d!
j) Parso se kapde bhigoye hue hain. Dhone
ka mood nahi hai. Bhai, dho de naa.
k) (At 2.00 in the night) Subah 5 baje
nikalte hain long drive pe. Bol? Teen bikes hai apne paas!
l) Kal mom dad aa rahe hai. Saala room saaf
karna padega!
m) Computer jaldi band kar, Rector round pe
hai!
n) Student 1: Kitni bhi baar dekho ye clip,
Saala mann hi nahi bharta!
Student 2: Sirf mann? Ha ha ha…
o) Khatmal ko AIDS nahi hota kya? Saale
itne logo ka khoon chooste hain!
p) Kaunse folder me jaun? Pondy C:\Windows\System32\drivers\etc
mein rakha hai naa?
q) NFS hai kya??? Aur RoadRash? Aur Age of
Empires?
r) Student 1: B*******d
Student 2: Kya hua?
Student 1:
Bas aisehi gaali diya re. Timepass.
s) Saale ghar jaake aaya aur kuch mithai
nahi laya? Haramkhor!
t) Student 1: "Sneha" accha naam
hai naa?
Student 2:
Hmm. Hai to sahi. Par kiska hai?
Student 1:
Hamari beti ka naam hoga; Shraddha haan bol de bas!
u) Abe ghoor mat saale; bhabhi hai teri!
v) Uska baap police commissioner hai. Pata
hai na? Jo karna hai soch samajh ke kariyo!
w) Baap ne kyun bola engineer bano!?
B*******d!
x) Bhai ke liye itna nahi karega? Dhikkaar
hai tere pe!
y) Student 1: kal dil ki baat bol doon
usko?
Student 2:
aur thappad mara to?
Student 3:
bol dunga "can you please pass this message to your friend?"
z) Khatmal ki maa ki aankh!
aa) Line fulltoo clear hai bhai. Bol de usko
dil ki baat.
bb)
Ek din dekhna tu, ye tera bhai bahut aage jayega!
cc) Vodka, Chakna and ande ki mummy! Aur kya
chaiye life mein!
dd)
Abe Volume zero kar, baahar koi hai!
ee) Jaldi se pardaa lagaa!
ff)
Soframycin hai kya? Jaldi de!
11) In the Canteen
a) Ladki hasi to fasi!
b) Agar wo mudi to samaj le wo teri bhabhi
hai!
c) Rohan aur Pooja ka kuch to chaalu hai.
Ek plate Vada-Pav leke aa. Detail mein bolta hun.
d) Security ne pakdaa unko redhanded.
College mein Chumma-Chaati kar rahe they. Kuch to sharam karni chahiye!
e) Dar lagta hai re. Usne naa bola to?
f) Kya ghatiya juniors aaye hai be ye time.
Ek babe nahi hai!
g) Wo itni babe hai, aur wo itna ch**ya!
Kaisi hai bhagwan ki leela?
h) Pooja ne us dhakkan ko haan bola! B******d
hum kya mar gaye the?
i) Maa kasam! Udhar dekh; comp science ki
hogi!
j) Ye ladko ko koi kaam nahi hai kya? Pallu
thoda theek kar; wo idhar hi dekh raha hai!
k) Treat de be saale. Kanjoos makkhi choos!
l) Haan bol doon Rohan ko? Handsome hai,
Pulsar pe ata hai, guitar bhi bajata hai. Aur kya chaiye? ... khikhikhikhi...
m) Kal canteen mein Rohan bola "Jaan
bhi de sakta hun tere liye". Sach mein maang loon kya? khikhikhikhi...
n) Ladko ko sirf ek hi cheez chaiye bas!
Cheapo saale!
o) No Neha, Sandeep aisa nahi hai. Wo baaki
saare ladko se alag hai. Use sirf mera dil chaiye.
p) Kya uncle, Chutney thoda jyada daalo
naa!
12)During Campus Placements
a)
Char lakh ka package! Aur kya chahiye life mein! I want this job
yaar!
b)
Sabse pehle Infy aayegi. Truck bhar ke leke jayegi. I want to go
to Infy yaar!
c)
Tu scholar hai be! Tuje to koi bhi company utha legi!
d)
What did you read for Apti? R.S. Agarwal? Puzzles by Shakuntala
Devi?
e)
I already knew half of the answers man! I had solved half of the
question papers of this company available on a few job sites!
f)
Pipes, Cisterns, Time, Distance aur Work wale problems acche se
kiye hai. Tune kaunse kiye?
g)
Haath hata naa be!
h)
Are you sure 12th question ka answer “C” hai?
i)
Jyada soch mat. If your ass is meant to sit on the chair in that
company, then the job will be yours!
j)
How was the interview? Kya kya poocha? Faad rahe hai kya?
k)
“Introduce yourself” mein kya kya bola tu?
l)
“Why do you want to join our company” mein kya fekne ka?
m) I was in the interview room only
for five minutes. Matlab reject na mai?
n)
Uske baap ne bhi kabhi aisa interview diya tha kya? B*******d!
o)
She asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Mai
bola “Somewhere in India only. I love India, Ma’am.” And then she laughed.
Matlab mai selected kya?
p)
This is a lucky tie. My friend wore it in the Infy interview and
got selected.
q)
“Achievements” mein kya bolna hai? Maine to teen saal ghanta
kuch nahi kiya idhar!
r)
Kuch tricky poochte hai kya? Jaise what is the colour of the wall
behind you, number of stairs in this building, etc.?
s)
“Where do you see yourself five years from now” wale question
mein kya bolu? Sach sach bol doon – US or UK or Singapore or Australia?
t)
Hello Mummy, selection ho gaya mera! Gaajar ka halwa banake
rakho, aaj bhar bhar ke khaunga!
u)
Congrats man! To, party kidhar hai?
v)
Abbe...us dhakkan ko bhi company ne uthaya. Aise faaltu company
mein nahi selection hua wohi theek hai!
w)
Itna lamba selection process aur package khali 3.5 lpa CTC...!
Bhaad mein gaya...mai to nahi apply karunga...!
x)
Woh toh Saala G.S. tha...selection sure shot hai!
13)During and after preparation of exams such as CAT, GRE, GATE,
etc.
a)
I have joined TIME ka regular batch and IMS for test series!
Tuney?
b)
Ye sab CAT classes business hai saala. Asli talent ko classes ki
zaroorat nahi. Mai nahi lagata class waass!
c)
Mere se nahi hota ye CAT WAT!
d)
GRE VRE deke US chale jaunga! Bas, fir life set!
e)
Teen saal mein electrical ka ghanta kuch samjha nahi. GATE VATE
kya ghanta crack hoga!
f)
CAT ke liye dimag chaiye. Chhod. CET dunga mai!
g)
Prasad ko panch IIMs ka admit aaya hai. Faadu banda hai wo.
h)
Siddharth is going to Caltech for MS in Computer science. Wo to
US ke liye hi bana tha! Hostel me bhi Bisleri ka paani peeta tha wo! Amrikan Saala!
i)
Maa ki aankh! Pooja ko IIM B ka admit hai be! Khuda bhi kya
mazaak karta hai!
j)
Din mein char ghante CAT ki padhai kee maine. Fir bhi no IIM
admit. CAT pe se vishwas uth gaya mera. Aur upar se Shamit ko XLRI aur IIPM se
bhi admit hai! And that too with no preparation! Itna stud to nahi tha wo!
Naseeb saale ka!
k) Ye saale Americans bhi to kabhi GRE ke
words use karte honge kya! Maa ki aankh! Kitne difficult words hai yaar!
“Discombobulated” kyun bolneka jab “confused” already hai dictionary mein!
l) GRE words yaad nahi rehte be! Bhai koi
technique bata!
m) Student 1: GRE deke America jaunga aur
teri bhabhi ko milunga.
Student 2: kaun be?
Student 1:
Pamela!... ha ha ha...
n)
Student 1: Word Power Made
Easy by Norman Lewis padh. Us se mera word power improve hua. Your
inability to comprehend obscure material will alleviate within a triad of solar
periods and you will begin throwing condescending looks at people around you.
Student 2: Hmmm…Right. Ye last
sentence French mein bola kya tu?
o)
Criticial reasoning ka ek bhi question right nahi aata mera!
p)
CAT ka verbal solve karne ke liye bachpan se book padhna chaiye
tha. Achanak se CAT ke teen mahine pehle aaj kal ki love story books padh ke
kuch nahi hota!
q)
Student 1: John Grisham aur Arundhati Roy ki books padh English
improve karne ke liye.
Student 2: Five Point Someone padhne mein do hafte lage muje. John Grisham
padhte padhte mere bete ke saath CAT dene ka time aa jayega!
r)
Kuch easy tareeka bata yaar CAT crack karneka. Koi to aasaan
tareeka hoga!
s)
Prashant has been in the top 5 in the IMS Test Series. Likh ke
le tu mere se “IIM A,B,C,L” se call pakka ayega usko!
t)
Ye CAT VAT GRE VRE nahi hoga mujhse. Chup chaap baap ka business
join kar lunga!
u)
Siddharth ko IIM A se call hai; 60 ya 70 lakh ka package to
pakka milega usko! Bet lagayega?
v)
Shivani scored 1560/1660 in GRE! Beauty with brains! Geogia Tech
jayegi wo! Baap ke paas paisa bhi to bahut hai! Kya load hai usko?
w)
“Barrons for GRE” mein 75 wordlists hai. “S” tak pohchaa hun.
“R” tak koi bhi word pooch bindaas!
x)
Poora “Quantitative Aptitude by R.S. Agarwal” chaat dala! Usmein
se kuch bhi pooch!
y)
GMAT abhi nahi dene ka rehta hai kya?
z) Exam
preference in XII grade: Engineering ke saath hi main IAS ka bhi padhai shuru
karunga....
Exam
preference in first year: I will do GATE
Exam
preference in second year: MS theek rahega...India mein IIT se bhi MTech kar ke
kuch fayda nahi.
Exam
preference in third year: Chalo kam se kam CAT mein Technical strong nahi bhi
ho toh chalta hai...
Exam
preference in fourth year: At least ek job toh mil jaye yaar......Relatives ko
kya muh dikhau...!
Exam
preference at the end of the degree: Ek job mil gayi...Engineering safal hai..!
14)At a tea-stall near the college
a)
Uncle, ek chhota gold flake, ek bada gold flake aur do Mentos.
b)
Maachis khatam, uncle?
c)
Kaash “B******d Sutta” maine gaya hota! Epic song hai yaar!
d)
Chotu, do cutting de. Malaai maar ke!
e)
Ek to girlfriend chahiye yaar! Zindagi waste hai nahi to!
f)
Pata nahi engineer ban ke kya ukhaadne wale hain hum log!
g)
Electrical ka “E” samaj mein nahi aata aur maa bolti hai “Fan
theek kar de beta!”
h)
Do KT to sure hai iss time. Aur tere?
i)
Vidya ko kab propose maarega be? Uske bacche ho jayenge tab?
15) Great lines from our great teachers
a)
Ae what you doing haan, life is not easy...aee aee you...
b)
Job milna itna asan nahi hai! Samjhe?
c)
Hey you two in the back. Sit on the front.
d)
Kuch padha de apne dost ko bhi, paas ho jayega bechara!
e)
Tu kya karega padh kar, pass to hona nahi hai!
f)
Ye hairband kyun pehen rakha hai, chudiyan bhi pehen lo ladkiyon
ki tarah; pull up your jeans!
g)
Main to aapki dost banna chahti hun, main chahti hun aap mujhe
pasand karo.
h)
Mujhe iss class se bohot ummeed hai.
i)
Pagal samaj ke rakha hai muje? GT mara hai tumne. Jao khud se
banake ao.
j)
Yours is the worst class ever!
k)
Bohot ho gaya; paper mein likh ke nahi aaoge to marks nahi
milenge!
l)
Aee you, don’t talk and disturb me in between. I am tryin to be
lenient. Don't 'USE' me. I am very famous in college for other things also!
m) (In lab) Arre lab kya stool pe
baithne aate ho kya? Stool pe baithna hai toh....jao...jaake Management karo..!
n)
Yeh extra activities ka time hai kya?
o)
Class test ka syllabus is
- "Whatever I have taught till tomorrow".
p)
Paper mein answers point-wise chahiye. Faltu mein bada bada
stories mat likho. You are engineers, not authors!
q)
Are you from this class?
r)
Who is the CR?
s)
As a textbook... you may read that book. For reference: start
with the other one. After that, you may switch over to this third one. Also,
3-4 books to reference ke liye lagengi iss subject ke liye; they are available
in library.
t)
If you do not submit these six assigments till Monday, I will deduct
five marks.
Just
because Veena wanted us to have these dialogues in English, we had to do it! It
was Aditya’s last chance to hook up with Veena, so we gave in!
------------------------------------------
You
are not a true engineer if you haven’t said or heard these lines in your four
years of engineering!
1) For Attendance
a)
Dude I told you to do my proxy regularly. What is the use of you
wasting your time in the lecture then?
b)
Pssst….Do you think I should come inside?
c)
Student: Sir, May I come in?
Professor: What happened?
Student: My neighbour’s dog died.
Professor: Yesterday also some dog died na?
Professor: Yesterday my other neighbour’s dog died.
Professor
stares.
Student: I live in a chawl, sir.
Professor: Then I am sure there are many more dogs
that are going to die soon.
Student: Yes sir.
Professor: Idiot!
2) Late submission of assignments
a)
I had told you to make an extra copy for me after you were done
writing your assignment!
b)
They should allow Xerox copies of assignments to be submitted.
There is a bloody problem with the whole system!
c)
Sir, I had submitted the assignment; you must have misplaced it.
(To friends after this) My work is done, guys! You guys work your ass off
completing the shitty assignment! Ha ha ha…buggers!
d)
Sir, everyone told me that submission’s last day was next week.
This is a conspiracy against me, sir!
3) Viva :
a)
What did the external ask? How’s the temperature in the cabin?
b)
Dude, the external is also a human being. He knows what students
go through in a viva.
c)
Don’t worry about the experiment. Worry about the Viva, man!
d)
Chill bro! The External looks like a timid rat!
e)
You are with Vignesh. Right? Just shake your head to whatever
Vignesh says!
f)
Apply the “Silence is golden” principle. You will surely clear
your Viva then!
4) Copying assigments:
a)
Do we need to copy this diagram, too?
b)
Use doctor’s handwriting; even the professor won’t care to check
your assignment then!
c)
What assignment are you talking about?
d)
Make a neat “Table of Contents”. Who the F#$% checks what is
written inside!
e)
Where can I get the cheapest printout?
f)
Just scribble anything. Who cares!
g)
Don’t copy everything blindly. At least write your own f##@%g
name!
h)
Only God can copy from your assignment. No relation between
first and third sentence! Do you write your exams in the same way?
i)
(To the one who has originally written the assignment) Why the
hell did you write all the details in your answer?
j)
Did your dad tell you to add these two graphs, too?
5) Sessional test
a)
Where the hell is Kavitha? If she doesn’t come, I am screwed!
b)
Do you have an extra pen?
c)
We began the semester just now. Why do we have exams already?
d)
The invigilator was the son of a bitch; he didn’t allow me to
copy even a single word!
e)
It was just a class test; don’t cry. You will cover up for it in
the finals for sure!
6) Lab
a)
Give me the gist; what to do next?
b)
How to run this program? F2 or F5?
c)
Mail me that file if it runs properly on your machine.
d)
Dude, have you got any proxy site? I want to use Orkut.
e)
(staring at equipments in Electrical lab)
“B#$#@%d, how do electrons know how
to flow in such a tortuous circuit?”
f)
(whispering to the Lab Assistant)
“Sir, please help, sir.”
7) After test
a)
I feel that I had prepared well. Couldn’t recollect any damn
answer in there!
b)
Just kept writing for two hours! Even God doesn’t know what I
wrote!
c)
Good that I didn’t read anything; I was going to fail anyway.
d)
Shouldn’t we request for a re-test?
e)
Chaudhari sir is a good professor; he won’t give us Mass-KTs!
f)
Just forget about the test, man! Chill!
g)
And I thought that question #3 was out of syllabus! Shit!
h)
Three over. Four more to go!
i)
That ass Mohana took two extra sheets. What the hell was he
writing?
8) On being late
a)
(Sending an sms to one of the friends in class) You think he
will let me in?
b)
We had decided to do a mass bunk. Right?
9)
During the lecture
a) Chuck Shinde’s lecture, man! See that
hot chick! She is from Comp Science, I guess!
b) It’s so damn hot outside and here this
Shinde is screwing our brains up!
c) I had suggested that we bunk this
lecture. You guys wanted to be good students!
d) Dude, check this cartoon of the
professor out. Am I not the next R.K. Laxman?
e) This is my third sixer in a row! 26, 56,
and now 36.
f) Don’t tell me that you have never played
“Name, Place, Animal, Thing”? Have you been living in a jungle or what?
g) Don’t shake the bench and let me sleep
in peace. I was chatting with Krishna all through the night!
h) Did you just look at Veena? She was
sleeping with her eyes open!
i) Hey Varun, pass this chit to Shraddha.
j) Professor: Do you know how bad the
outside job market is? What will you become after graduation? Haan?
Student: No issues, sir. I will
become a professor like you.
10)At Hostel
a) It’s 11; let’s have some Chinese.
b) Chill, bro! We will complete the
syllabus in PL.
c) (looking at chapatti in the Mess) Is
this roti or rubber?
d) I will be going for jogging tomorrow
morning at 6.00 a.m. Do you want to come along?
e) I guess Rahul’s fart has made him
unconscious! Hey asssole, come out! We are in queue!
f) For the love of God, please go outside
the room if you want to fart! Fart-machine number 1!
g) I soaked the clothes day before
yesterday and am still not in a mood to wash them! Dude, do it for me na, please!
h) (At 2.00 a.m.) Let’s go for a long drive
at 5.00 a.m.! Bol? We already have three bikes!
i) Mom and dad are coming tomorrow; will
have to clean the room now! Bloody hell!
j) Shut down the computer dude! Rector is
on his regular rounds!
k) Student 1: Can’t get enough of this
clip! Oh … those legs!
Student 2: Only legs??? Ha ha ha…
l) Don’t these bedbugs get infected with
AIDS? Bloody blood suckers suck blood from anyone!
m) In which folder have you kept pondy? C:\Windows\System32\drivers\etc?
n) Do you have NFS? Or RoadRash? Or Age of
Empires?
o) Student 1: Ass****!
Student 2: what happened, bro?
Student 1:
Just like that! Timepass…ha ha ha…
p) Please don’t tell me that you’d gone
home and didn’t get anything to eat for us!
q) Student 1: "Sneha" is a nice
name, na?
Student 2:
Hmm, yes. But whose is it?
Student 1:
Our daughter’s! Only if Kavitha agrees to marry me!
r) Don’t stare at her like an ass! She is
going to be your sis-in-law!
s) Her dad is a Police commissioner. You
know that right? Tread cautiously!
t) Why the hell did papa want me to become
an engineer? B@$#$##d!
u) Student 1: Tommorow I am gonna propose to
her.
Student 2: What
if she slaps you?
Student 3: I
will tell her, "Can you please pass this message to your friend?"
v)
Turn the volume down, there is someone at the door!
w)
Close the curtains properly.
x)
Do you have Soframycin?
11) In the canteen
a) If he turns and smiles, consider your
work done!
b) Rohan is dating Pooja. Go get a plate of
Idli, and I’ll tell you in detail.
c) Security caught them redhanded, kissing
in the college canteen. They should have some bloody sense, man!
d) I am afraid, maccha. What if she slaps
me?
e) What an aweful batch of juniors! Not
even a single good girl to look at.
f) Veena is such a babe and she roams
around with that stupid Arjun!
g) Pooja said “Yes” to that ass Ranjit. Am
I invisible or what?
h) Guys! Look to your right. Maaas babe!
Must be from Comp Science!
i) Shameless boys! Don’t they have sisters
and mothers at home?
j) Boys want just one thing! Cheap ass***es!
k) No Neha, Sandeep is not like that. He is
different. He wants my heart; nothing else.
l) Uncle, extra saambhar please!
12)During Campus Placements
a)
Package of 4 lacs! What else do we want in life?
b)
Infy is going to be the first and hire truck loads of students.
I want to go to Infy, yaar!
c)
You are a scholar maccha; don’t worry!
d)
What did you read for aptitude test? R.S. Agarwal? Puzzles by
Shakuntala Devi?
e)
I already knew half of the answers, man! I had solved half of
the question papers of this company available on a few job sites!
f)
I have practised Pipes, Cisterns, Time, Distance aur Work type
problems. Which ones did you practise?
g)
Are you sure that answer to twelfth question was “C”?
h)
Don’t think too much; if your ass is meant to warm the chair in
that company, then the job will be yours!
i)
How was the interview? What did they ask? Are they in a mood to
screw us?
j)
What all things did you say in “Introduce yourself”?
k)
What to say in “Why do you want to join our company” question?
l)
I was in the interview room only for five minutes. That means I
am rejected, right?
m) She asked me, “Where do you see
yourself in five years?” I said, “Somewhere in India only. I love India,
Ma’am.” And then she laughed. Does that mean I am rejected?
n)
This is a lucky tie. My friend wore it in the Infy interview and
got selected.
o)
Are they asking tricky questions? Like what is the colour of the
wall behind you, or the number of stairs in this building, etc.?
p)
Congrats man! So, where is the party?
q)
That bastard is a General Secretary...he will surely get selected!
13)During and after preparation of exams such as CAT, GRE, GATE,
etc.
a)
I have joined TIME regular batch and IMS for test series! How
about you?
b)
CAT classes are just business; real talent doesn’t require any
classes!
c)
Cracking CAT is not my cup of tea.
d)
I will take GRE and go to the US. That’s the easiest way to
enjoy life.
e)
In the last three years I haven’t understood a signle word of
electrical and now my dad is asking me to appear for GATE!
f)
Cracking CAT is difficult; I will take CET instead.
g)
Prasad got called for admission from five IIMs. What a scholar!
h)
Siddharth is going to Caltech for MS in Computer science. He was
anyway an American, born in India by mistake!
i)
Pooja got an admission call from IIM B! What bloody crap is
going on in life!
j) I wonder if these Americans themselves
ever use such difficult GRE words as “Discombobulate” or “perfunctory”.
k) I am not able to remember GRE words. You
know any technique?
l)
Student 1: Read Word Power
Made Easy by Norman Lewis. It helped me improve my English. Your inability
to comprehend obscure material will alleviate within a triad of solar periods
and you will begin throwing condescending looks at people around you.
Student 2: Did you just talk in
French?
m) I get only 10 % of criticial reasoning
questions right.
n)
Student 1: Read John Grisham and Arundhati Roy to improve your
English.
Student 2: I took two weeks to
complete Five Point Someone. I don’t
think I will complete reading John Grisham’s book even in four years.
o)
Isn’t there any easy way to crack CAT?
p)
Prashant has been in the top 5 in the IMS test series. I can
give you in writing that he will bloody get calls from IIM A, B, C, and L!
q)
Shivani scored 1560/1660 in GRE! Beauty with a brain. She will
go to Geogia Tech! Her father is an MLA!
r)
Barrons for GRE has 75 wordlists. I have reached
“S”. You can ask me any word till “R”!
s)
Solved full “Quantitative Aptitude by R.S. Agarwal”!
14)At a tea-stall near the college
a)
Uncle, one small gold flake, one large gold flake and two
mentos.
b)
Uncle, do you have a lighter? No? Matchbox?
c)
I really wish I had sung the song “Bh@$#@d Sutta”. What an epic
song, man.
d)
Chotu, two cutting. Extra milk!
e)
I don’t understand even a word of Electrical and my mom wants me
to repair a fan!
f)
I am definitely getting two KTs this time. How about you?
15) Great lines from our great teachers
a)
Aee what you doing haan, life is not easy...aee aee you...
b)
Getting a job is very difficult! Understood?
c)
Hey you two in the back. Sit in front!
d)
Pull up your jeans; have some shame!
e)
I have high hopes with this bacth, especially this class.
f)
Yours is the worst class ever!
g)
Aee you, don’t talk and disturb me in between. I am tryin to be
lenient. Don't 'USE' me. I am very famous in college for other things also!
h)
Class test syllabus is - "Whatever I have taught till
tomorrow."
i)
I want you to write anwers pointwise. Don’t write long stories.
You are engineers, not authors!
j)
Are you from this class?
k)
Who is the CR?
l)
As a textbook...you may read this book. For reference, start
with that one. After that, you may switch over to the other one and there are a
few other books available in the library for reference. You know where the
library is, right?
m) If you do not submit these six
assigments till Monday, I will deduct five marks.
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